so tight that only death could break it.And it did. Thanks to you priest manuka for what he has done for me! Im dying inside. Many days I cling stubbornly to the memories of him and even to the grief as I do not want to let anymore of him go. When, I feel as you (and I do feel that way), I think of what my beautiful wife and friend would do or say. I hope that I can continue to heal for both our sakes. Its so much to deal with even with a grievance counselor. My son took me shopping after my husband died and there was almost nothing I could eat that didnt remind me of him. You are with me. I was caring for my husband no more and now the puppies had all gone. So many comments Ive read hit so close to home. Im truly sorry for every one of your losses. I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. The next year was so hard. And especially to those whove lost a spouse, Im so sorry you are in this rotten club with me the one nobody wants to join. My husband of 37 yrs passed away July 25 2018. This loss has left me feeling like i have lost all ability to find any happiness. So much ahead-so many great plans. We fought about it all the time and would say nasty things to each other among the lies etc. Now Im on my second year this is August 2018. They didnt die alone. I woke up every morning, fed my children, got them to school, then returned home and curled up in bed. just realized recently that this will not get any better at all. And No, I'll Never 'Get Over' It. I believe this is what the Lord wants. Could you kindly help me to contact Emma J Andrews Please? She passed suddenly from a heart attack. It will be two years for me in December. )the two dogs were winning for mamma. But I miss my husband so much- its so hard ach and every day to continue on. I lost my parents, & two sisters and the pain could not compare with this. I know exactly what you mean. Changes in feeding times or even simply moving furniture around can cause further stress. I suggest a book by Megan Devine called Its Ok That Youre Not Ok. Blessings to each of you on your journey. But, I had to stop after his death & I was sick. He Was Grieving Over The Death Of His Best Friend. Just to let them know that they arent up here alone. Its miraculous Im still up on that tight rope. The first year, I was in a fog, very forgetful, sad, depressed & feeling lost. Dr was right December 10, 2016 he passed. I agree with those who say the second year and beyond are even worse. We will all meet again in the end. It can be so isolating. She and I would go Black Friday shopping. When I see couples together, I miss him even more, but I talk to God to help me get through the mental sadness, Stay well- youre not alone. Whats a person to do with that, and where to go from here? I was married for 54 years and the care taker for my Mike. Well see how the third year is. Ill never forget how were so proud of me being the first one in our family to graduate in a tough University as a Magna Cum Laude and as I made it thru my young years into adulthood it became apparent that sisters/siblings represent the past present and future. Its 2 years since I lost my husband n best friend. And, cry most of the time. I have no one to ground me to this life. The one I turned too for deep discussions, uplifting when I was upset over something and just encouragement when needed. They tell me they are mourning too but are moving forward. For a while, all you can do is float. It has been 7 months and I feel so lost, lonely and scared. Everyone talks about how difficult it is to talk about your feelings, due to know wanting to hear it or they think its time to move on. Good luck., I feel your pain. Everytime I hear the songs we use to play its like a piece of me dies inside. ========================. I despise being a single parent. Nothing has sidewiped me as my beloved partner partner. I lost my father some years ago and that took a while to resolve, so I am praying that the process of grief will become eased soon. Our marriage wasnt perfect but we worked through all our problems and we loved each other more now then when we first said I do. Maybe one should not love so deeply, then maybe it would not hurt so much to lose them. I hate my life and wish to die daily. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. Every day I beat myself up thinking about what I should have and could have done to help her in her passing. My third recommendation is a book titled Overcomer by Dr. David Jeremiah. These things help ME and every one is different but I would go completely mad if I didnt keep busy. For the first month I couldnt have a conversation or finish a sentence. It all seems pointless. The first year the crying was more intense now its deeper in a way. I bring a chair to sit and just stare at the ground. But I loved you, and always will. Which is understandable. 6. Yes Tania. I want him back but I cant have him so Im living in hope that we will be reunited one day. We were married for 55 years and planned on living to the age of 90 and then we would be ready for God to call us home when he wanted to. For many, the real work of grief begins in the second or third year after a loss. But the assumption for most is that as long as they can get through that, it should be smoother sailing in the days ahead. Calculate the difference between two dates. He appears whenever I need him and this brings comfort. I lost my husband 4 years this September and I feel as My son rolled a diesel tanker and it ejected him out and rolled on him and crushed him. I try to take steeps forward. Im exactly where you are right now! I keep telling myself that he would want nothing more than for me to live out my life in a way that is rich and full. But it doesn't know you will always live in my memory. Why are you tormenting me like this?! I Sang to him while he was there passing. But I will say that youll come to see the pain differently, itll mutate and one day youll find that the furst thing you do when you think of him or hear his name is smile, not cry. . Nothing has ever hurt so much and felt so hopeless. Hi everyone. Im half the person I was. I lost my bf 4 years ago and I thought I was doing well. Second year I basically ran, walked alone on hikes, tried to get to know the new place. We got so close over the years, I cant bear being without him. Some people have told me that the second year was actually more of a challenge. I lost my beloved mom on October 5, 2018. I have asked God to please take me as soon as possible! i find it hard to function, to get back to church, to get back to anything. However, the helpful responses live on, and one of them was absolutely incredible. I just retired early at 64 we bought a retirement home to be near daughter and grandchild. Now Im at Year 4. He said any kind of self harm is your bodies way of protecting itself from the great, immeasurable pain. I took care of him during his last two years . How did any of you get up and do something for yourselves? It has been 2 years since you passed away. It seem to get relief then it always comes back around. Doctors said it was rare and implied we were lucky that he lived as long as he did. Cant find any purpose for my life. So, my big brother ended his life in May of 2019. he was a comic style artist and left me hundreds of incredible images and left me with the nagging sadness of wondering if I could have done something different to change his outcome. I do have support from family and friends but still feel so all alone. I know your pain I loss our Stepdaughter in January 1992 and My Mr. Lee in July 2016. I lost my son 2 years ago at age 24. He was 48 and we were married 27 years. I still fill the need to call her sometimes. tells you to contact the IRS ; Calling outside of these conditions isn't recommended because the IRS representatives won't be able to provide additional information on your tax return status. I struggle to find ways to fill the time and have struggled to find friends who get it. If only I could land in some port, any port, perhaps I could find my footing again. The few times I try to talk to friends they are uncomfortable and I can tell they want me to move on. I dont want to move on away from him. Then put off the blue, he had a seizure that led to the diagnosis of a brain tumour, which we were later told was inoperable and high grade. The second wedding anniversary without a spouse. I just wish I could see him, kiss him and hug him one last time but most importantly tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him. For me, it is in those tiny slivers of time when I feel most alone and heartbroken. I hope we both find peace somehow, someday. We have to keep going & move forward & grieve whenever we feel like it. I feel horrible. I deal with people daily and do not like my job. There is always an emptyness in my heart. Wedding anniversary his birthday. My whole life has been turned upside down. Cant get interested in anything that I used to love! Key groups, like the FDA and CDC, have already signed off on a booster dose for all . He, too had lung cancer and kidney failure and his death was sudden. Thanks for sharing. Ericka, I relate. Granted, it was the best way for him, but he was not sick, i had no warning. I had him cremated. I miss him as much today as I ever gave. , Hi to group, i am exactly a year today of loosing my Beloved Husband, Yes its hard, you dont seem to have any time control, like lunch time dinner time bed time, i have spent this last year sleeping on the sofa, as like i said Time, why go to bed nobody else in the house, nobody saying bedtime, same for food, its not time for lunch nobody else in the house wants lunch, so you plod along, decorating and doing all the jobs my husband could not finish, keeps you going then you wonder why, then the grandkids call in for a sweet or somthing , and you plod on again and have a laugh gor a few moments, then the house is quiet, . One day we are shopping, and the next day Im dealing with his death. According to Google that's 9490.01 hours, but to me it feels like an eternity. (Still not sure how I managed to give birth to 4 children!). So lets make the best of the life we have. The medical examiner assumes this caused an arrhythmia which in turn caused him to pass out. This is the second year, and as it got near to his birthdate, it hurts just as badly as last year, if not worse. I know how you feel! Every night when I lay down I think if I dont wake up tomorrow morning It will be okay.. We were married for 25 years, and I was just 56 when he died. Was just trying to forget my past and start over again a fresh start but all that came down hill when I was in college and had a panic attacked in one class realizing that it was time for me to deal with the truth. He had 8 siblings, which were a tremendous help while he was sick. She would know it was no tribute to her love that I cease to even love myself and the precious moments of life I still have. In other words, there was nothing they could do. Since then two brothers mysteriously passed away and countless others have been attacked and rob or both. I lost my wife of 40 years five months ago today. Just unquestioning everything and analysing everything. Suddenly my husband developed a cough and a month later he was dead of lung cancer. The medications are harsh but necessary. I dont feel like I can face a future without him. No other moments were devoid of the heaviness on my heart. Im living for him as well. I have wonderful family and I started going back to church after he died. I cant imagine going through thanksgiving, Christmas and the new year without her sweet smile. Your Grief is Terrifying to Those Around You, How to Get a Better Nights Sleep when Grieving, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0, The second year of grief | How my heart speaks, https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton. I cant afford to say in house but can afford 1k a month either. Im a forty six year old widow and had been with my husband eight years. I find its a song, film or similar that sets me off & the relentless Covid media stuff, & it all sets me off crying. How I just want 5 minutes with him to tell him he was the kindest most gentlest man I ever knew. Now this next bit my shock some of you but I felt relieved. All in all he was fortunate t I be taken fast. Dear Tracy, I know it is hard, but I have a wonderful story to share. Not everyone is like that just some of us. I cant turn back and I cant just drop the boulder. (She just wasnt there no more. I can barely cope. He passed fifteen days after our 47th Anniversary. For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. Perhaps Ill return in the near future. I still cry hard for him day, and beg him to come home to me. I hope my jumbled messy comments can help any who think about self harm. But they didnt get chance to sell it before dad just suddenly fell and passed away. For me, Everyday is a shocking reminder that my husband is not with me. Cancer was the thief that stole him from me and has forever changed my life. I can relate to everything you all are saying As you say if God gives us a window, along with you- I am waiting. I cant shake images of her out of my head. She has seen so much suffering. I want you to know that I feel alone without you. This year he would have retired. Im now 47. He was everyone friend including enemies. My husband was a juvenile diabetic since his teen yrs. My siblings grieve with me, maybe they handle their emotions better. But, I want to share some discoveries I found that may bring a glimmer of hope and moment of peace in your journey with grief and suffering.